Thursday, December 15, 2011

A one-person debate

Two reasons why I like this video:
1) It's funny
2) It's true

Two reasons why I don't like this video:
1) Where's the companion piece about equally stupid shit guys say?
2) Yet another thing created by guys that sets girls up to hate each other in order to look better to dudes -- "I'm a girl, I've never said most of those things because I'm not a vapid bitch like most girls"

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

My least favorite comments from today's NYT article about US sexual assault survey

Here's the article if you haven't seen it already. Now... onto making fun of people's dumb opinions! (Underlined emphasis is mine.) Oh, and this is just from the first page of comments...

"What is a crime unlike any other crime, and worst than any other crime, is a false accusation of rape and the subsequent wrongful conviction of an innocent man."

Really? The WORST crime of all?


"It is terrifying how blindly PC America is when it comes to rape and sexual assault. The idea that 20% of women have been raped or have suffered through an attempted rape is ludicrous simply based on numbers.

Just flip that around and say that 20% of the male population are rapists, and yet somehow manage to steer free of any other crime, and presumably do not rape multiple women, and it doesn't even pass the most basic logical questions."

Bro, don't talk about logic and all that shit when you can't do math. Also, most rapists DO rape mulitple women. So again, don't base your argument on what you incorrectly "presume" and then talk like you have the logical upper hand.


Katherine said:
"I'd wager that there are legions of women who have experienced the grey-area violation that I think of as relentless pursuit. It goes approximately like this:

[extended conversation between a woman and a man, where the woman refuses the man's advances multiple times before finally saying "okay, if I do this one time will you leave me alone?"]

This is not consensual, but some would argue that it's not strictly rape either. It's more like a dog chasing a deer until the deer is so exhausted that it can't run anymore. It's a crappy substitute for courting, but the fine art of gentlemanly conduct isn't well known these days.

It would be helpful it teenage boys were taught that no-means-no-so-quit-asking. Instead they are taught not to take no for an answer. And girls are taught to be accomodating, helpful, and not cause a scene, but maybe they need to learn some self-defense moves that say no in a more physical way if words are insufficient."

MH responded:
"Women who are elusive are more attractive/valued to men. Men who are persistent are more likely to succeed and win over the valued female. This is of course natural selection at its best.

A man trying to win over a woman, either by asking once or 10 times is not a crime, it is life."

What a great life for men, and a shitty life for women! Does that not bother you at all? Do you even pretend to yourself that you're a decent person if you're okay with that?

MT also responded:
"I'm sorry, but in your example, any sexual activity that results from these exchanges is, indeed, consensual. Your own wording makes this plain as day: "if I say okay".

Here's the point: If you in fact say "okay", or imply it through your actions, then you have indeed consented! You cannot later claim that you did not consent. You were not under duress. You were not duped. Regret after the fact, or claiming that you were nagged, does not retroactively negate your consent.

From an individual perspective, no one likes or wants to be nagged, whether a male or a female attempts it. If you are already being nagged (for sex, money, favors, or anything else), the best response is to walk away."

Duress... I do not think that word means what you think it means. And walking away... have you ever tried to do that to someone who is harassing you or physically intimidating you? Try it sometime, and see how it goes.


Paul B.:
"I seriously doubt this number. Nothing to stop women from exagerrating in a survey, or being vindicative, And what do they call rape, a little pressure n the bedroom? Lets count the men who are assaulted verbally by women in their life time, would be 90%, And many men are physically assaulted by women, but dont even count it"

No emphasis needed here -- your entire comment reeks of horrible. People like you are the absolute worst; at least you appear to be forthcoming enough about your hatred of women that none of us are likely to be around you long enough to experience the adverse effects of your proximity.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Sometimes raves are creepy

First things first -- the word "rave." I don't like it. Using it today makes people sound like they're equating the massives today with the underground shit from back in the day. And I am not even coming at this from the "it was so much better back then!" angle per se, because I wasn't around back then. I just think that the kind of event a "rave" referred to is not the same as what we're doing today in the EDM scene. I use the word "rave" sometimes because it's a lot less clunky than, say, "DJ show" or "Electronic music event" or "EDM massive" or whatever other overly-descriptive substitutes have been offered. So there's that. "Rave" it is. (Sometimes.)

When I first started going to these things, whatever they were, I went with Casper. We were kind of the only people who liked this stuff, and we liked doing it together. It wasn't until much later that I started going with other (female) friends and couldn't help but notice a slight difference in the way that my presence was received when I went without Casper. It was different, and it was a little creepy.

At first, for awhile, as someone who hadn't ever done the whole ecstasy thing and really couldn't put myself in the shoes of someone who was on it, I just accepted all of the touchy-feelyness as "what just happens." It's PLUR, man! It's love! It's love through music! We're connected through beats and synths!

But then I realized more and more that it wasn't like guys were walking up to other guys and just touching them. No, guys were only walking (dancing?) up to girls and touching them.

I can't speak for anyone else, but as a girl, this is what makes it hard to have hobbies. Seriously. My enjoyment of music has to stop at me listening to it at home, because when I go out and my boyfriend isn't around, I have to accept being arbitrarily fondled. And that's something I don't really want to accept.

Some people will say, "Hello, do you see what girls WEAR at raves?" I direct those people to all of my prior photos of what I've worn to raves. I've gotten groped wearing jeans, a tank top, and chucks. So have a lot of other people. Women who wear burkas get groped. I got groped when I was thirteen years old, wearing braces, a t-shirt, and jean shorts, the first time I ever went to a "discotech" in Italy, while I was on a school trip, with my teacher chaperones standing not but 10 feet away. So no, I don't accept any variant of the "she was inviting it" as a good argument, reason, or explanation why this shit happens.

Groping happens. It blows. So why am I talking about raves again? Well, I guess it has to do with what I mentioned above -- the PLUR effect. The idea that if you still want your personal space, you're missing out on the "experience" of lovingly touching and being touched by other people. Sorry, it's not for me. Sometimes I just want to listen to music because I like the music, not because I want to buy into whatever bizarre counter-culture springs up around it.